


Invisible

by notimmortal



Series: Invisible [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Mention of Character Death, Not A Happy Ending, Songfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 19:51:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5140433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notimmortal/pseuds/notimmortal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The wedding and His Last Vow as seen from Sherlock's point of view. </p><p>(Slightly ooc, I'm sorry)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Invisible

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on (and includes lyrics to) "Invisible" by 5 Seconds of Summer. Lyrics will be in bolded italics. Regular italics are Sherlock’s thoughts

_**Another day, of painted walls and football on the TV No one sees me** _

 

John was dancing with Mary. It was hard to watch, hard to know that John was just fine without him. This wedding was proof of that, proof that there was no room for me.

 

_**I fade away, lost inside a memory of someone's life It wasn't mine** _

 

I searched my mind palace, desperate for something that would take away the twisting pain in my chest. All I could see was John. John happy, John smiling. Then it twisted. John happy with Mary, John smiling at Mary. John and Mary. I started to feel sick.

 

I needed to get out of there, as soon as possible. I gave a quick scan of the room, making sure no one was watching me. And of course, no one was. Everyone was enjoying themselves, no one was watching to see if Sherlock Holmes would do something dramatic.

 

_**I was already missing before the night I left Just me and my shadow and all of my regrets** _

 

 _I shouldn't have come_ I thought to myself bitterly as a put on my coat and took my leave. I could still hear the music as I walked away. Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. An interesting choice, given the time period we are in, but John seemed to enjoy it.

 

 _No, stop. Don't think about John_ The pain in my chest grew. John didn't even notice I was gone.

 

_**Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself?** _

 

It's not that I expected John to notice I was gone. I'm not his wife or anything like that, there would be no reason for him to notice my absence.

 

 _But you're his best friend_ Was I, though? I still wasn't sure of that fact. How could I, rude, cold, Sherlock Holmes, be the best friend of someone as amazing as John. No. I couldn't be his best friend. He would have noticed I was gone if I were his best friend. I was able to slip away like a ghost, invisible to the world. I didn't matter, not even to John.

 

_**Who am I? Who am I? Invisible** _

 

_***_

 

**_Wasted days, dreaming of the times I know I can't get back It seems I just lost track_ **

 

It had only been about a month since John's wedding when I found myself sitting in a drug den. I wasn't high, I could never do that to John, but I was trapped in my mind palace. I found myself reflecting on my times with John. The cases, the days of living together, the constant companionship. All of that was gone now. I was alone again, destined to remain alone.

 

_**Looking on as all of life's colours seem to fade to grey I just walked away** _

 

When John found me surrounded by all of those druggies, I knew it didn't look good. He was so angry.

 

I tried to explain to him that it was for a case, but John refused to listen, going as far as to take me to Bart's to get tested for drugs.

 

If John was upset before, he definitely became more so upon seeing Janine in my room. I wanted to tell him it was nothing, she was nothing, but it didn't matter anyway. She was just a dull attempt to replace the colours brought to my life by John. It didn't work, but I still needed Janine. I needed to get to Magnussen, and Janine was the only way.

 

_**I was already missing before the night I left Just me and your shadow and all of my regrets** _

 

I never expected to get shot. Pain and fear flooded my system, but I knew it was too late. I was to die at the hands of my best friend's wife. I regretted how things happened, but at least John would be happy and-

 

_John Watson is definitely in danger_

 

I had to save John.

 

_**Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself? Who am I? Who am I? Invisible** _

 

John, of course, was angry when finding out the truth about his wife. I didn't expect him to be so angry with me, but I knew to deal with it. This was just who John was. Of course, that didn't answer any of my internal questions about who I was to John, especially after exposing his wife.

 

_**Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself? Who am I? Who am I? Invisible** _

 

I knew what I needed to do to protect Mary, which would make John happy. It would most certainly end in my arrest, but it needed to be done. For John. I knew he was going to forgive Mary, he loved her too much not to. Therefore I had to offer protection, be an invisible force in their life.

 

_**Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself?** _

 

I miscalculated. I didn't even take in the possibility that Magnussen could have a mind palace. Sherlock Holmes, the man who could deduce anything, couldn't deduce that. It felt as if what Moriarty had said all those years before were true: I was a fraud. I couldn't figure out how to protect my best friend, the man I had grown to love. I watched as Magnussen flicked his face and said idiotic things, waiting for Mycroft to arrive. I knew what I had to do.

 

_**Who am I? Who am I? Invisible** _

 

I knew how I was seen when I shot Magnussen. Mycroft saw me as a child, John saw me as an idiot, everyone else saw me as a murderer. It was in that moment that I knew I was a protector. I had succeeded in what I set out to do and would willingly accept my punishment. For John.

 

**_Another day, the walls are built to keep me safe_ **

 

I wanted to tell him while we were on the tarmac. I wanted to tell him that this was for him, that I loved him, that I was sorry. But I couldn't do it. Instead, I made a joke, trying to memorize his smile and laugh. I wanted my last memories of John Watson to be happy ones. Ones I could look for while I would be tortured to death and know that I had done all of this for the right reasons. These memories would keep me safe, keep me sane in my final months of existence.  _John Watson, always saving me_

 

I shook John's hand and boarded the plane.

 

**_I can't escape, it's too late_ **

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this  
> It was weird not writing a happy ending  
> I may add a second chapter later if people want me to  
> Thank you for reading


End file.
